Tuesday, September 02, 2008

State of Mental Health

I meet the new volunteer tomorrow. I hear that her name is Amy. Apparently she's young, she has blue eyes, and she's open to the world. She already sounds great. Let the comparisons begin... but let's not linger on them, okay? I'm both looking forward to and dreading this first meeting. I think we just need to get over it so that I can stop acting like a 12-year-old. Or maybe I can revert to someone who's even younger. I wonder how I'd look in pigtails.
I've taken the past couple days off of work. Well, I went in yesterday morning and then left soon after that. I decided to stay away today as well. I think I'm already checking out on some levels. I went to an English class, and I went to baseball. I just didn't want to go into the office. Did you know that "mental health days" have become a regular part of our vernacular? In fact, October 10th is the official World "Mental Health Day." I think I'll have to keep that in mind when my original COS date (October 10th) comes around. I am an avid believer in and supporter of the "mental health day." Only, Yanko called me halfway through it and urged me to try and get over my funk.
The Americans in Velingrad came to baseball today. They brought a few friends. Unfortunately, we didn't get to use the stadium because there was some kind of soccer match going on there, but we went to a nearby field and played. It was fun. Unfortunately, it was completely chaotic and it was getting dark by the time we started playing, but it was still fun. The guy said that he would continue to come as long as there was baseball to be played. Glad to hear it. Hopefully, it will be even better on Thursday.
I've been getting a lot of food recently. Not only have my "baba" and my landlady been giving me various dishes, but people have been giving me fresh fruits and canned items. I feel bad accepting the fresh stuff especially 'cause it usually goes bad with me. I'm not one to sit down and eat an entire bag of pears. It's just not going to happen. I try and give away as much as I can. The rest just sits around until it spoils and I eventually end up throwing it away. I love that people here are so generous, but sometimes I really think their generosity goes to waste, and I wish they would be generous to someone else.
Now that I'm leaving, I get a couple of repeating questions. The first is, "Can't you extend your contract?" This is usually asked when people see how disappointed I am in leaving. It's hard for me to answer this one. In theory, had I wanted to stay longer, I would have been able to. It's not that I don't want to. It's just that it's no longer right for me to stay longer. How long could I possibly stay? I have to leave someday. I have to move on with my life. We knew this wasn't permanent. People just figure, "Well, you look like you want to stay, so... stay." It's not quite that easy. I do and I don't want to stay. We're leaning more toward don't than do. It's just that nostalgia is hitting me hard now that we're coming to the end. I know I'm really going to miss this place.
The second question I get is, "You weren't able to find a husband and settle down while you were here?" This is just silly to me. Like I should have found a nice, Bulgarian boy and made him mine. What about respect, love, understanding? What about the chance meeting of it all. I get told, "You're a pretty girl. You're nice, and you're hard-working." Basically, they're saying that I'm a catch, and I shouldn't have been left to get away. Plus, there are some that think 27 is way past prime marrying age. I wish I could snap pictures of some of the looks I've gotten. Just picture horror, and you've about got it. I still feel so young. I turned around, and I was 27. I usually tell them that all the good guys my age are either already married or live in bigger towns far from here. This is usually met with either agreement, disagreement, a proposition to introduce me to a single friend or relative, or a suggestion that I should get over my aversion to dating married men. Nice.
Tonight, I got a phone call from a guy who could either be my father's or my grandfather's age, "I'm sitting up on this ridge, looking at some beautiful scenery, and I thought of you. So, I decided to call. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?" "Uh, no. There is something wrong with that, and I'd prefer that you didn't call me." "Oh, sorry." "Yeah." He kept trying to find ways to "accidentally" touch me the last time I was around him. I soon excused myself and left.
So, there's this aforementioned guy. Cute guy who didn't know my name still calls me every once in a while so we can get into some silly argument about nothing. Krum is a loose cannon. I haven't seen M-Tel boy in Velingrad in quite a while, and he's probably married or in a serious relationship. He's too adorable to be available. These are my prospects. Hey, people are right. I'm a catch. I deserve to be with someone my age, who's stable and happens to know my name. Am I asking for too much?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are a catch AND you are asking for too much. But everything's gonna be alright

That's the home stretch cutie, have fun.